Why I Gave Up Sex…

As a believer, I can tell you all about the scriptures on fornication. How bad it is because it’s a sin agains your own body. And I could point my finger telling you not to have sex, “because the Bible says so!” If you grew up in church like I did you heard that one many times. But if I were honest, that’s not why I gave up sex. And to be really honest, that reasoning wasn’t enough to stop me from having sex in the first place. Like most things in life, I needed more explanation. Why shouldn’t I be having sex? Could it really be that bad??

So like most people, I went out into the world to try things out and find my own understanding. Because surely this was all some crazy scare tactic to keep me from having any fun. Wow, was I wrong. After years of confusion, tears, painful relationships and even worse breakups, I finally understood. The devastation of experience gave me crystal clear understanding as to why we shouldn’t be having sex. While the religious reasons run deep, I feel like they coincide with equally deep practical reasons. These are the big 4 reasons, why I gave up sex…

1 Soul Ties

I’ve heard mixed reviews about this term. I know many people speak out about the dangers of soul ties, and I’ve heard some religious experts say this term is not accurate. I know that this is a more religious term, but it’s effects can be so damaging I had to include it. For me soul ties is the premature connection of two souls. As we interact with each other, we will naturally form bonds and connections. But with sex the connection becomes a completely different entity. For me it’s the difference between holding hands with someone and being handcuffed to them. When we’re holding hands, it’s mutual and we can choose to separate at any time. If we’re handcuffed together, no matter how badly we want to break free we can’t. The bond is not only stronger but it’s now out of our control.

Emotionally, physically, and spiritually, sex connects us on another level. On the physical level endorphins are released in the body giving us a feeling that effects our emotions. We feel good, happy, and loved. It creates a false sense of attachment. It often leads people to believe that their in love. One specialist said that the chemical released in the body is similar to the one released after child birth. When you see the baby for the first time, you’re flooded with emotion. This feeling often helps women forget just how painful the labor process was. Sex takes a similar effect. You have sex and somehow forget, or take less offense, to your partners wrong doing. Often that’s why people will interrupt or end an argument with sex. They want you overcome with that manufactured feeling of love so you move on from whatever they’re not trying to deal with. This keeps people in bad relationships way longer than they should be. Which brings me to my next point.

2 Wasted Time

If you’re anything like me, you hate wasting time. It’s one of those things we just can’t get back. At the age I am now, I really don’t have time to waste; especially for any foolishness. And truth be told, sex causes a lot of unnecessary foolishness. I tell men that I would much rather found out that we really don’t like each other before we have sex. Because once we have sex, it will take a lot longer to see the disconnect and take even longer to finally walk away. If we’re having sex and it takes me 5 years to figure out that we shouldn’t be together, that’s a long time. If you know my philosophy on what our single season is all about, you know I believe in lessons. There are lessons we need to learn to help us grow during this season. But most lessons don’t require a long time. The problem is we drag lessons out because our discernment is clouded or we just don’t want to let go of what’s in front of us.

By giving up sex I have so much more clarity in my dating situations. I can clearly see early on if there are problems or red flags. This is important to me because if God has 4 major lessons I need to learn before I get married, the quicker I get through those lessons the quicker I can get to what he has for me. So now that I’ve worked on my personal development and I’ve given up all the distractions, I am better equipped to learn what I need to learn and move on. For example; I have had Christian courtship relationships in the recent past and those could have drawn out for years and years. But because we weren’t having sex and my relationship with God is so strong, what could have taken years to figure out only took months. For someone who hates wasting time, that’s a big deal! The personal work I’ve done makes me comfortable with what I want and helps me recognize what I don’t want. My faith in God gives me the confidence to walk away when I know they’re not for me. And the fact that we’re not having sex creates a clear picture with no fuzzy areas of confusion. Without sex we have to face every issue head on without any options for distraction. Because for a lot of relationships, sex is just smoke and mirrors.

 

soap for singles

 

3 I Want It To Be Special

When I think of what God has for me, and I think of my husband on our wedding night, I want it to be special. I don’t want to go through this whole wedding process to then go back home and nothing special happens. It’s just another night. I don’t want that. I want a relationship based on Godly principles. I want for our wedding to be the kickoff of our life together. I want that night to mean something. Literally, I’m probably going to say, “You are so blessed because you’re about to have sex with the best wife ever, and she’s all yours.” LOL

But seriously, that’s how I want to feel. I want it to be special. I want to feel the anxiousness of it being our first time. I want to feel overwhelmed by our love for one another after we’ve committed our lives to each other with God’s blessing. Not to say that doesn’t happen in other relationships, but for what I want I’ve got to do it God’s way. I wish I would have listened when I was young. I wish that my husband was my first. But that’s just not my story. And that does not disqualify me from what God has for me. It’s never too late to get on the right path. I’m on it now. I am in line with God’s will for my life, I’ve learned my lessons, and I know that God is positioning me for someone amazing. And I know without a doubt that our marriage will be special because it will be on a solid foundation that we created together without any muddy waters.

4 It’s What God Wants

Again, I know this is more religious but bare with me. It took me a long time to really get in touch with who I am and what I want. Through a lot of work, I am now crystal clear on those things. I am a child of God, called to do great things. I want the life that He has for me. I want a God-filled, loving, committed relationship. And if that’s what I want, I have to do things God’s way. He laid it out for us. He gave us the instructions and the blue print. We choose not to follow it, but then blame him for our poor relationships. I won’t do that. I’m doing it his way. For me, that means no sex, being obedient to what he tells me to do, and walking in my purpose. Everything else will come.

I’ve been out in the world long enough to know that it has nothing of value to offer me. The ways of this world are dangerous and deceiving. It causes nothing but heartache and confusion. Living in God’s will has given me so much peace. It’s like nothing I’ve felt before. I’m not worried about what anyone is doing, about if he likes me, about how am I going to make this relationship work, is he cheating on me….none of that. All because I worked on my relationship with him and I cut out everything he told me to.


I understand now. Yes, we shouldn’t have sex because the Bible says so. But now I know why it says so. I wish I didn’t choose to learn the hard way. Now that I have grown in the Lord and taken my place in the kingdom, I know I don’t have to test his word. I don’t have to try it for myself. His word is enough. And I’ve been charged with sharing this understanding with you so you don’t have to suffer longer than you need to. I want to help you learn the lesson faster than I did.

The Bible says the enemy comes to seek, kill, and destroy. That’s exactly what my relationships tried to do to me. A relationship based solely on sin will only bring you hell. You have the power to decide. Stop wasting time. Decide what you want and make the decisions that will get you there. The time is now. What are you waiting on?

 

If you struggle in this area, set up a complimentary one on one call with me. I will help you address your roadblocks and come up with a practical plan specific to your life to help you be successfully celibate!

 

kendram86

3 Responses to “Why I Gave Up Sex…

  • THIS! You were so much in my head that it is amazing. We must talk and grow together.

  • You hit every nail on the head. Bottom line we don’t have sex because it displeases God. We love Him more than our desires and we know that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. We joy in the preparation phase because we know that God always knows and always does what’s best and He will present only His best to us and we will be ready and in position when that happens.

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