Single and Happy….On My Birthday

I woke up early yesterday morning to the buzzing of my phone. The “Happy Birthday” messages had begun. With each text, tweet, and tag, I smiled. My daily routine continued as usual: prayer and quiet time, reading, breakfast, and some social media posts before heading to work. I was in a great mood, which is actually quite unusual.

For the last several years I have had some serious birthday depression. Like hunched over, in tears, calling out to the Lord “what have I done with my life?!” kind of depression. Relationship or not, my birthday was an agonizing reminder that I wasn’t where I wanted to be. I had a plan all mapped out. I can show you the note cards and letters! You know how people say to write down what you want and thank God in advance for it? Well that’s what I did. I wrote out all the things I wanted in the different areas of my life, I prayed over them, and thanked God for them. I thanked him for getting married by 25, having 3 kids, living in a big house someplace warm with an amazing husband, who I described in detail. Yea…..so I turned 29 yesterday, still single, in between careers, finances derailed, and I just decided I wanted to be a writer a few months ago. Not exactly the way I planned things, ha-ha. They always say, God laughs when we make plans. But this year was different from the years before. I wasn’t sad. Like at all.

The day went by with ease. I focused on work while I was there, and enjoyed all the nice messages from friends and family. Later I sat at dinner with my mom, forcing her, yet again, to try something new. We talked about life, all that had happened in the last year and all we hoped for in the year to come. I told her how God had given me a peace like no other. This kind of peace can’t come from man. Even though I tried to find this in man for many years, trust me, it’s not there.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying thoughts of being in a relationship on my birthday didn’t cross my mind at all. What I’m saying is, I didn’t dwell on it and I didn’t let it change my mood. I have too much to be grateful for to be weighed down about something that’s not meant for me right now. If it were that serious I could be in a relationship with any number of guys, but I’m tired of settling for less than what’s been promised to me.

Honestly all I could do was be thankful I wasn’t worried about where someone was, if they’d call or get me a gift, what fight we’d have later, whether or not I could post pictures because of whatever else he had going on with other women, or if I’d have to compromise what I wanted to do because of his schedule or budget. I didn’t have to be concerned with any of that. And after the many years of those kind of birthdays, it was a relief. I soaked up all the love and joy that was around me and I enjoyed my day.

As I sat down to write I thought about the conversation I had with an agent about my writing. She gave me the feedback that women want to know how to be single and happy, “what does it look like to be single and happy on Valentine’s Day or your birthday?”

This is what it looks like. Peaceful and joyous. It involved prayer, talking to the Lord, and being thankful for all the blessings and love that I do have. Maybe I’ll be in a different season for my birthday next year, but until then I’m grateful for where I am today. I appreciate this season of singleness and I’m making the most of it.

I’ve enjoyed this period of working towards being the perfect bride for The Lord. That’s what it’s all about: becoming the woman he wants me to be, a woman he’s proud to call his own. I’ve had enough years of disappointing him. So my eyes are stayed on him and his everlasting love. And I’m paying attention, to his love and faithfulness and his word, so I know what true loves looks like when it comes. Then once my future husband and I are ready, God will let him cut in and he will be an extension of God’s love for me.

So as the day was coming to an end, I thanked my mom for being my date, and began to cry as I knelt down to pray. Not tears of pain, or sorrow, or regret. Tears of overwhelming gratitude. I’m in such an amazing place in my life. Maybe not financially, maybe not romantically, maybe not even socially; but I am spiritually and personally. All I wanted to do in the last hours of this birthday, was thank him.

“Lord I thank you! I thank you for another year of your grace and mercy. I thank you for bringing me through, protecting me, loving me, and guiding me. You are my strength and my joy. I thank you for my peace of mind and showing me that you are the way and the light of my life. I trust your perfect timing. I know I’m in a way better place to be someone’s wife than I was before. I love this feeling of growth and finally knowing how I appear in your eyes is worth more than anything else. Continue to do good works in me. Continue to keep me. Continue to use me. Continue to fill me. I thank you for this season of preparation. And whoever my future husband is, Lord guide him as well. Give him peace and understanding in you. I love you and I give you praise. My life is yours. I can’t wait to see what you have in store for year 29. Amen, and thank God.”

kendram86

5 Responses to “Single and Happy….On My Birthday

  • Awesome reflection. A wise man always tells me, “If you can think, you can thank!” …and that’s what you’ve graciously done here!

    God expects us to be good stewards over what He has allowed us to possess. Thing is, we don’t always recognize what He has already given us! Sometimes, He’s just waiting for us to recognize Him, appreciate what we have and maximize it at that level before He gives us more. God knows that He has poured so many blessings on me I’m working on being able to handle the responsibilities that comes with the rewards I already have!

    • kendram86
      3 years ago

      So true! Thanks for your insight. I feel the same way.

  • growth and maturity in The Lord…thank you my SisTAH for sharing your testimony and words of encouragement. You are a blessing to me.

    • kendram86
      3 years ago

      Thanks! I am so glad to hear that. It’s been a journey for me and I pray I can encourage others 🙂

Trackbacks & Pings

  • Single & Happy on My Birthday...Again!! - Kendra Elaine :

    […] surprising to you, I totally get it. Last year was the first year I ever experienced being single and happy on my birthday. Every year before that I dreaded my birthday. It was another reminder that time cared nothing […]

    2 years ago

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